When you are seated at your table, and the waiter hands you a menu and takes your drink order, instead of breaking into non-stop conversation for the next half hour and giving resentful looks at the waiter as she tries to take your order time after time, try this.
Be quiet, sip your iced tea, read the menu, make your selection and order your damn meal.
Then start talking.
See? Everybody wins. Waiter gets the order and gives it to the kitchen. Kitchen does the meal, sends it out to the table. People at the table are babbling merrily away as the meal is placed before them. Everyone is happy.
So, just because, I decided to Google "nixon bowling," in order to print out a pic to add to my other interesting pics in the kitchen, including Nixon & Elvis and Elvis & Liberace.
Now, the classic Lebowski edition photo of Nixon bowling is this one:
Man, does that picture have everything, or what? Nixon. Dark clothing and white bowling shoes. The wallpaper. The amazingly cheesy plastic furniture. It's like Lebowski meets Mid Century Modern in the Bunker.
But I also found this one:
The evil old bastard is bowling with a tie on. White bowling shoes. Classic form. But damned if he isn't over the line! Mark it zero, Dude!
But wait! There's more!
Here's another one. Check out the form. My god. Nixon is amazing in this picture. Black & white washed with florescent light, with that incredibly annoying arabesque decor.
Dude, that is so Nixon!
Except, the White House bowling alley predates the old bastard somewhat.
That's right. Harry Truman with a a bunch of embarrassed looking guys in wheechairs, circa 1948.
First of all; the name. It makes me think of priapus. If there is anything that does not remind me of male virility, it's the Toyota Prius.
Next up; it's a butt ugly car. It's as if Toyota said, we're going to foist a green car on you and we're going to make it as butt ugly as possible, because we know that you'll buy it. We could sell you a Prius if it was pink with teal polkadots, because you believe.
If millions of Christians suddenly disappear from the face of the Earth as the opening act for Armageddon, Threat Level thinks most nonbelievers will be too busy freaking the hell out to check their e-mail. But if they do log in, now they can be treated to some post-Rapture needling from their missing friends and loved ones, courtesy of web startup YouveBeenLeftBehind.com.
For just $40 a year, believers can arrange for up to 62 people to get a final message exactly six days after the Rapture, that day when -- according to Christian end times dogma -- Christians will be swept up to heaven, while doubters are left behind to suffer seven years of Tribulation under a global government headed by the Antichrist.
"You've Been Left Behind gives you one last opportunity to reach your lost family and friends for Christ," reads the website, which is purportedly run "by Christians, for Christians." The domain name is registered through an anonymous proxy service, presumably to protect the proprietors from the Forces of Darkness, and not because they're up to anything shady.
The e-mails will be triggered when three of the site's five Christian staffers "scattered around the U.S." fail to log in for six days in a row -- a system that incorporates a nice margin of safety, should two of the proprietors turn out to be unrepentant sinners or atheists.
Man, that's gonna be a bummer of an email session, realizing that your Raptured pals and relatives are such dickheads as to leave you some damn emails bragging on their ascent to paradise.
Of course, it would be a great hoot to get one of those emails from someone, and then run into them walking around confused and wailing, "What did I do wrong?!?!"
"Yo! I got your email! Hey, I thought you blew this joint."